Born Again (no date)

I had a thought about the weaknesses of our personality.  How easy it seems for us to look at another and rattle off all their faults and weaknesses.  Then I drifted off to the thought that these personality behaviors are the good things in our lives that keep us growing.  Sorry!  I waited too long to write about my revelation this morning and it is fading.  Just as well because I was planning on sharing this with a fried at work and I thought could use the revelation.  Ego!  Gets me lost all the time.

Anyway, "Ye must be born again."  The Christian concept of being born again is asking forgiveness for your sins and being baptized.  Then you are urged to "To forth and sin no more."  Wow!  That is very tough to do.  In the Order we were told to "live to our highest knowing."  That means to me that if you do something that you know is wrong then you have sinned.  You are responsible for living every moment consciously aware of what you think, say and do.  No slacking!  And "sins" are always forgive but thanks to karma, you will be challenged with another opportunity to test your strength to do or think or say what is correct in a similar situation. 

Anyway, our personal weaknesses are our challenges and opportunities to live to our highest knowing.  For example I know I am a negative person so I try to be pleasant and look at the bright side and have even been known to laugh at myself.  That negativity is still there in my makeup but does not rule me anymore.  That is called transformation.

So the whole point of my rambling is to state my belief that we all sin and fall short of the Glory of God but we keep going everyday, every moment learning how God works through out strengths and weaknesses.  God really does love us.  We are always forgiven.  The greatest and unforgivable sin is not accepting Gods complete love and forgiveness.  We can turn ourselves away from God but God never turns away from us.  The Creator made us and we live within our creator.

I don't have the date that I wrote this.  I can tell that I was working on my Tarot because of the strengths and weaknesses.  I used God alot but please know that I meant God & Goddess.

Dreary Day

I am drawn to articles regarding change and spiritual growth.  This morning I had a thought about my constant search for who I am and this is not a new thought.  I am who I am.  When will I ever be satisfied with that.  Why the desire to be someone else?  Everyone has their place in this creation.  We need to fulfill that position from beginning to end.  To be dissatisfied all the time is very selfish and disruptive.  How can I see/feel the movement of creation when I am so busy looking in all the wrong places.  Is it not better to be at peace where and who you are and allow the energy to move you and move through you.  To be here and now! 

April 9/2007

Saturday I went to the Psychic Fair in Roswell with M & C.  I wanted Dr Lee to work on C's back.  M got two different readings that were very positive to her.  Yes, I was the negative influence in her early life.  But I couldn't help myself at the time.  I had a terrific reading though.  I was told to learn how to receive from other and how to take care of myself.  My cup was empty and I needed regeneration.  Absolutely!  I have just been setting around waiting for things to happen instead of taking charge of my life.

I did hear that my Grandmother was at peace and that I can talk to her.  She brought me a rose.  Also, the worry I had about her relationship with her daughter (my mom) is none of my concern.  She said there was a lot I don't know about.  It is a soul relationship for them to work out.  She says she only had my happiness in mind.

Well, I hope she looks after my Mom because she needs it.

I am happy she is aware of me and hope we can meet on the other side.  I always remember how she would just hold me whenever I needed to be held.  I know she loved me.  I am sorry I ran from her and was angry and avoided her for so long.  I need to grow up.  It takes me a while to understand.  I hope she loves my M. 

I love you Grandma and I thank you for raising me.

January 28, 2007

The "honkers" just flew over our home on the way to the Chattahoochee River.  I feel so alive & assured when I hear them.  God's in Her Heaven and all is right with the world.  Our townhouse doesn't have the beautiful view that our apartment had but we are on the same level as the tree tops and you can hear and see the birds as they forage for food.  If I had spent more time trying to identify bird songs, I would have my hands full with identification this morning.

The cats are gathering around.  It must be time for me to fill food and water dishes and clean their scratch boxes.  However, it is Sunday morning and I am NOT moving!

What a wonderful gift to have OT home on Saturday and Sunday.  Thank you for changing his hours!  When he is home I feel that our "house" is a home.  I enjoy picking up and running the vacuum.  This probably sounds strange.  Without OT, I would probably just keep my bedroom clean since this is where I would hangout.  But with Own home on weekends, I need to keep the downstairs clean and I'll spend more time cleaning in that area.

I am having difficulty writing.  Can't seem to control the speed my pen (I was writing in my journal).  My thoughts move faster than my hand can write -- creates messy hand writing and looks like unclear thinking.  I prefer to use the computer but it is not comfortable to sit at for long stretches of time.  Plus, I just haven't found a satisfactory way and place to journal.

The tarot cards have been very positive and supportive recently.  They are encouraging me to let the past go and move on.  Something that needs to be done everyday.  Also, my dreams of late have been filled with people who are not familiar and places I have never been before.

In this morning's dream, we were parking a car and hit the side of a fancy sports car because they had parked in part of our space.  There was a very pretty but ditzy young woman who was driving this car.  OT backed up and parked better.  We discussed whether we did any damage to the car.  Then I got out and went over to this other car, a yellow sports car, to look for damage.  The girl sort of leaned over the back of her car onto the trunk while I wiped several places with my hand.  I discovered that I had a picture of someone concealed in my palm.  There was a puncture mark on the sports car but it was old and had rust in it.  I can't believe how nice I was to this woman -- like I knew her all my life -- I just couldn't give her enough attention and advice.  Lots of love and caring.

When we were settled on the ship (you probably wonder how I got there but remember it is just a dream)at a table waiting for our meal, I saw the young woman with a man who was very unpleasant.  I knew he was upset about the accident so I had to find a safer place for us.  All the other rooms were filled or at least there were no vacancies for two of us to sit together.  I didn't want to split us up.  Finally I found a table on deck where we could see the water -- it was blue and calm.  And we were peacefully together.  End of dream.

What a great day.  M & C about me lunch.  OT made a great barbecue supper.  I don't have any control when it come to food.

I must watch too much tv before bed and I have gained a good deal of control over food (5/15/09 eam)

January 27, 1948

Happy 59th birthday, kid!  Enjoyed talking with Mom and Dad!  Imagine, after a lifetime the scales have gone from my eyes and my heart and I am finally able to love my parents.  What a blessing!

Growing older and growing up helps put a perspective on one's life.  (5/15/09 eam)