July 10, 2004

  • I have to admit that I am depressed.   Joy has taken a vacation from my life and I am running on bland.  Okay, so I have lived most of my life on high octane with a short fuse.  But living on bland is utterly boring.  I really am not inspired to do much of anything.  Every morning  is the same.   Chris doesn't leave for work until noon so I spend the morning doing quiet pick up type chores.  Can't run the vacuum or get into a serious cleaning project until after he is up.  By then my energy is on the ebb.  I want to be able to soar on the air currents with an occasional flap of the wings.  Feel the wind through my hair and breathe deeply of this beautiful earth.  Well, there you have it.  I am bored and I am the only one who can change it.  So here I sit thinking about all the things that I need to do and my joy turns off. 


    How can my flowers be so wilted when it is at least 80% humid outside.  I wilt too but they should be able to suck in the humidity.  Answered my own question.  I just a clear picture of myself standing outside in this hot weather.  Not a pretty sight for sure. 


    Megs is going to a gym now that has an indoor pool for laps and water aerobics.  So, I need to buy her a one piece bathing suit and an exercise outfit.  When do I stop paying out money for her????????  It is not that I mind buying her things because I love to get her whatever she wants.  However, money is a bit tight.  Which do I spend my $30 on a bathing suit or filling a prescription?  Hmmmm.  Hard decision.  I'll get her the bathing suit and hope that WalMart has one she likes.


    There is no way to be free of the responsibilities of being an adult here on planet earth.  You can pretend they don't exist for awhile but eventually the house needs to be cleaned, the bills need to be  paid, someone wants fed and you must take a bath to feel human.  This then is the deep and burning question "Why did I not realize what it would be like to be a grown up when I was young and tender and wanted to grow up so quickly?" 


    There must be a way to keep the child alive until the day you die.  I am not exactly sure there is any one way to do it but I am going to try to allow the child to come out and play because this old lady is tired of being so straitlaced.  Love to you all.  zera

Comments (4)

  • :yes:   An age old question I deal with all the time!
    Boredom with my daily bland routine, when I want to fly, experience new things that feed my imagination and my inner self, something that can inspire me for more than just a moment.
    As for children - they do eventually leave the nest and then you are on the periphary of their life. Never stop loving, or worrying, but they will make their own way regardless. Then it is up to you as to how much or little you contribute to them financially.
    I would never want to become a child again, but I do agree we need to let the child in us come out, and give our adult, responsible selves a break every so often. Not sure how to do that on a regular basis :)
    :sunny:   :heartbeat: 

  • Keep the child alive -- that's a lifetime job,, and we have to do it again every day....

    "There are ways but the Way is uncharted."
    ...Taoist saying

  • "Why did I not realize what it would be like to be a grown up when I was young and tender and wanted to grow up so quickly?" 

    I could not have put it better myself and the importance of nurturing the inner child is something that I didn't learn about until a few years ago. Now I find myself trying doubly hard to make sure that my kids stay kids as long as they can.

  • I find that listening to my children's laughter gives me something that I would hate to lose....my child-like wonder of their joy.

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