May 7, 2005

• (I am just venting here.)   "I have had it!"  I worked for this company for 7 years and the last 4 years have been pure hell.  (Actually the 3 years before that with an abusive and manipulative boss wasn't that great either.) 

  
  

  They (the elusive & generalize "they") have tried to force me into the corporate box but I just don't fit and the box is exploding at the seams.  (Imagine me in a box (or small cube with no window in sight)? 

  
  

  I have a supervisor who takes care of things.  I hate being taken care of, being managed -- read, being controlled.  How did I get this person as my supervisor anyway?  I hate being managed.  I have worked for 40 years (longer than most of the people I work with and for have been alive or at least old enough to work).  I feel like the OFFICE WORM.  Actually that is an appropriate term to use for what I do.  A worm eats away at rocks and turns the byproduct from its body into soil.  (Yuck!)  I take everyone's needs, desires and wants at the office and turn them into supplies, problem free copiers/faxes/printers and head sets that work perfectly. 

  
  

  I hate being told that I can't talk to a supervisor.  I have no right!  (Where did this "no right" come from?  Sounds like the Proletariat of Communist Russia.)  When did this no talking rule occur?  There have been rule changes and I have not been informed until I make a mistake.  I hate the system they have in place at work. 

  
  

  Why is it so hard for the management staff to be positive and supportive of their fellow employees.  Our morale is at an all time low.  People like to be treated like human beings and not robots that have defects and should be reprogrammed. 

  
  

  Well, I took the Harassment Training online today.  I can see how I could offend someone.  I have always been an in-your-face sort of mothering type.  Laughing, joking, hugs and advice have always been my style.  This newer generation has been brought up in a very different work environment.  First they have been taught that job loyalty is a joke.  Litigation is the way to handle any problem.  Older people are a pain and should be ignored (that was started by my generation, however, because we trusted no one over the age of 30 --remember?).   Us oldies-but-goodies have learned to care about each other on a personal level and try to find ways to help each other make it through another week of the usual crap!

  
  

  Anyway, I was really angry at myself for putting up with a personally hostile environment for so many years.  I have a great way of not really seeing a job situation before I jump into it.  I was raised in a mentally abusive family, married an abusive man (for 5 years) and continually find myself in jobs that are manipulative and abusive.  In other words, I allow certain situations to be recreated in my life because I have not (up until now) been willing to recognize that I have had a very poor self imagine and l have led myself to believe that no one else would want to hire me.  Talk about self-fulfilling prophecy!  This is prayer in action.  Duh!!!

  
  

  I am sending out my resume to everyone for every job that appears to be interesting and within my scope of experience.  I already have ad a nibble.  The thing that I learned is that it is the most important thing to be balanced.  Let the winds of change and confusion and fear blow on by.  Life will go on one moment at a time and if I remain balanced I will not be affected (or blown off course) by the storms.  I do good work.  No, I do great work.  People like me and thank me on a regular basis.  Those few who are unhappy with me are unhappy with everyone which means they are unhappy with themselves.  They have the power which causes everyone else unhappiness.  However, I have the power not to let them throw me off balance.  After all it is just life.  And we all know to live life to the fullest.

  
  

  My favorite Sandra Boynton cup showed a hippo laying on its side with turkeys climbing all over him.  The cup said "Don't let the turkeys get you down!"  and I say after all they are all turkeys.

  
  

  Venting ended.  Moving out of the anger phase and moving on in positive directions now.  Blessings to you all.

  
  

   

  • 8:29 am
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